Loss & Grief

I grieve not for thee, but for me
That I grieve, 'tis true,
That I grieve for thee, 'tis not,
For in truth, I grieve for me -
Yet this I dare not admit, even unto myself
- Anon

Loss is the act of losing someone or something.

To lose is to be deprived of someone or something, by "negligence, separation, death or misadventure".

Grief is deep sorrow or 'keen regret' - the feeling we may have when we feel the pain of loss. (Pain comes from feeling separate from love).

At some level, deep inside, most people feel bereft - though of what they are not quite sure. Perhaps it is a feeling of separation from Life itself?

Bereavement is being robbed or deprived of someone or something (such as our health - when we are given bad news), and a subsequent feeling of desolation (loneliness).

So it seems that:

  1. we grow an attachment to someone or something (a person, health, a way of life, friends, an income, a job, a place)
  2. this attachment has meaning to us, and we have strong feelings about it 
  3. we become deprived of the other person or thing, and become separate, through death, accident, or loss 
  4. the relationship therefore stops 
  5. we feel the loss, and feel sadness, hurt, sorrow, resentment, and so on 
  6. the process of feeling the loss is called grieving 
  7. the grieving only ends when our feelings are resolved and healed

Bereavement means losing someone or something (including our health) that we are attached to or love. Loss is painful, especially to our feelings. When we lose someone, we feel the loss:

  • of the person,
  • of our relationship with them, 
  • of the hopes, and fears, the joys and the fantasies of this relationship, 
  • of the shared experiences, 
  • the might-have-beens.

In fact - we lose a bit of our self.

We feel hurt, we feel pain and sadness, we feel shock, we feel numbness, and we feel anger.

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Yet these feelings, like all feelings, can resolve rather than get stuck - but so often they do get stuck - and sometimes stuck for years.

But the very best we can do for ourselves is to heal the feelings, to help them resolve, and to retrieve that small soul fragment that we gave away, that bit of our heart we pledged to another, but which is not our to give.

Then we can move on, free from attachment, and then we can feel free from fears and worries, regrets and wishes, and our own emotional issues are resolved.

I grieve not for thee, but for me
That I grieve, 'tis true,
That I grieve for thee, 'tis not,
For in truth, I grieve for me
Yet this I dare not admit, even unto myself

But if I can heal my grief
Then I rejoice for your life and your love,
For the Love that has worked through you
For the part of my heart I have shared with you
And for the love you have shown in the world.

I rejoice and give thanks
For love, for life, for god,
For the soul of the world,
For the everywhere spirit
Of which we are part,
Which receives us all again
When our journey on earth has ended.

Godspeed, and fare thee well on the next stage
(Anon)